Disney World
by notcrindy
Summary: Alice takes Warden to Disney World. Why, god, why. Based off of an Imagine Warden prompt.


"Can we go see Tigger?"

The question was innocent and adorable. It was perfectly understandable for a child his age, and there were probably a million other little gremlins running around this park wanting to know the same thing, but Alice was just about at her wit's end.

"For the last time, we'll _get_ to it," she grumbled.

Some lady pushing a stroller with three other brats in tow shot her a sympathetic look, which only made things worse. All of _those_ kids were sporting their own sets of Mickey Mouse ears and wailing. At least this one wasn't doing that yet. Still, as his chubby fingers nearly pulled on her ponytail, she found a way to pity herself.

"I can't _wait,_ Alice," intoned the boy, sincerely. "Tigger's my _favorite._"

"I know."

She was trying through gritted teeth, because he'd been telling her all damn day. They'd been running all through the park trying to find this striped and springy asshole and she was just about to give up. Yeah, they'd run into just about everyone else; his reaction to Rabbit, in particular, was about seven layers of fucked up. But no Tigger, not yet.

Just the ears which she'd spent a ridiculous amount of money on sitting atop his head.

Maybe if he'd been raised by normal fucking people, they could've taken him. She wouldn't be in this position, hauling him around on her back, feeling his sticky cotton candy fingers groping joyfully at her hair. It was up to his parents, but of course his actual ones were dead by now and the system had already screwed him over. Anyway, the stories he had for her about any of 'em usually gave her enough pause to feel kinda bad. None of 'em had any time for him.

So here they were, she guessed.

She was gruff, but caring was something Alice couldn't quite pound into submission. She regretted that as he started to launch into yet another singsong about death. They were already attracting attention, but if she were quick they could maybe ride the Dumbos or something.

"La la la,  
nothin' finer than retr'bution  
at the hands of _**execution!  
**_You gotta trust  
that it's gonna be just  
even if it's _electr'cution—_"

His caretaker didn't know who the hell taught those kinds of words or songs to a five year old kid, but she was just about ready to pound them a new one. The woman who had displayed sympathy before was mortified now, same as anyone within a short distance. It didn't matter. Five seconds alone with this kid would've shut them all up.

Just had to find some moron dressed in a tiger suit and they'd be out of here. In the meantime, maybe she could at least try to get him to act normal. Even for five seconds.

When she prodded him into singing that Tigger song instead, she was just relieved it was a normal thing for kids to do. The parents around them went back to looking at her with pity and he tried to bounce awkwardly and clap along to songs while clinging to her back.

"Don't do that. You're going to fall off."

Unsurprisingly, it didn't register. The illusion of normality was nice, and to most he probably looked like your average hyped up kindergartner as they both made their trek across all of Fantasyland for the thousandth time, but as soon as she let him down to wait in line for some ride he was annoying strangers with chatter about his Flying Man or Man-Eating Monster of the Week.

"See," he'd babble on to people just trying to survive the Floridian heat, "I'm here to see Tigger today. I don't think Tigger is bleeding like a dog or a bad boy or anything, actually, so that's weird and boring."

When he wasn't bothering other people, he was talking loudly to himself, reacting with brand new excitement to attractions he'd already seen. "Wow, Flying Man," he'd chirrup at nothing in particular, "have you ever seen anything like that in your _whole life?_"

They had; they'd been on the teacups six times.

He'd always forget to keep his arms and legs in any ride at all.

Alice was beginning to feel the throbbings of a migraine. She was also feeling very nauseous, which was either brought on by the greasy turkey leg she'd stomached a few hours before or the spinning colorful rides she'd had to endure. She was just thankful she had more stamina than most. Wasn't even worn out, just aggravated. Shouldn't have been that hard to find this one specific character and go.

When it finally happened, it was getting dark. They'd been on everything. She'd stuffed him full of every treat out there, just because if he was eating that meant he was also shutting up. He'd nearly gotten himself killed on some attraction, maimed on others, and unsettled other kids his age in line. He was nearing exhaustion, now, and cranky. Hoisted on her back, little hat falling off, glasses askew.

"Alice," he whined, "I never got to see—"

"Yeah, yeah, I _know._" She didn't mean to be so forceful, but she was tired and crabby too. Still regretted it when she felt him bristle back there, and then when she heard him sniffling. "Oh, shit. Wait. You're not _crying,_ are you?"

"…Nuh-uh."

Nope, didn't quite buy it. She lifted him up and off her shoulders and set him down in front of her as awkwardly as possible. It was pathetic, this little thing reduced to a pile of tears and snot, fake ears and tail just about falling off. At least she could be grateful that he wasn't screaming, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless.

"Uh. Hey," she tried. "Don't feel so bad."

This wasn't effective.

"You almost sent Pluto to the hospital. That's gotta count for something, right?"

As twisted as it was, this got some kind of smile out of him, even through the tears. "Yeah. I like Pluto; he's nice. Would've been nicer with his head off, though."

What a piece of work. "Yeah. So… …stop crying, okay? You got a lot of cool junk today."

"A lollipop big as my _head,_" he mused.

It was at this moment that she realized how small he was, just standing there. It was easy, sometimes, to view him as just this big ball of Issues, but he was just a stupid child in purple overalls. So she sized him up as that, and he climbed back up on her shoulders as that, and stuck his thumb in his mouth as that.

When they finally found Tigger he was just about off work.

All it took was Alice brandishing her fists for him to reconsider.


End file.
